Genevieve Valentine ([info]glvalentine) wrote,
2008-11-12 10:24:00
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The Twilightabasis

So I am going with Hannah to the opening night of the Twilight movie.

My intent: to blog the line before the movie, to stifle derisive laughter during the movie, to recap the movie afterwards.

My reality: being crushed to death in the crowd of tweens that showed up 48 hours ahead of time and is prepared to split my tympanic membrane should I try to enter the theatre, as in this video taken from the San Francisco poster-signing debacle a few days back, where the cops are positioned in Roman-Centurion formation behind the glass door, and I think one has his gun out. (Note: The sound on this clip is incredible. Turn your speakers down a little until you can calibrate; otherwise your glasses might break.)



I want as much as anyone to go through this Twilightbasis in an attempt to witness what has to be one of the greatest sociology experiments ever. However, one of the girls in that clip got her nose broken during the riot that broke out when the doors opened. Now, I will bop my way through if at all possible, but I am telling you guys right now, I am not getting my nose broken for this movie. If the movie line is like this, Hannah and I are going to decamp toute de suite to someplace above street level, and I'll liveblog the line from a safe distance and just act out some pretend movie with finger puppets or something.

(They BROKE her NOSE, oh my GOD.)


P.S. The best thing about this article the barrage of threatening comments from people who thought this was serious. Twilight Film Delayed Due to Lack of Interest.
Tags: for fucking serious, life, movies, no seriously, the twilight tag i hoped i'd never have

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  • 49 comments

[info]buymeaclue

November 12 2008, 15:21:35 UTC 3 years ago

and just act out some pretend movie with finger puppets or something.

With, no doubt, better results than the real thing!

[info]nick_kaufmann

November 12 2008, 15:26:26 UTC 3 years ago

Certainly less sparkling. So where are you seeing it, NY or Mass?

[info]buymeaclue

3 years ago

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[info]nick_kaufmann

3 years ago

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[info]livia_llewellyn

3 years ago

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[info]glvalentine

3 years ago

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[info]nick_kaufmann

3 years ago

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[info]glvalentine

November 12 2008, 15:28:32 UTC 3 years ago

It's true. It's got that indie grittiness we all love so much!

[info]livia_llewellyn

November 12 2008, 15:29:16 UTC 3 years ago

I went to the opening of the second Harry Potter movie in NYC - the theatre oversold the tickets, and sheer fucking chaos ensued. I ended up being screamed out of my seat by a bunch of tweens dressed as Gryffindor students. Seriously, I thought they were going to cut me open with their fake wands and smear my blood all over their acne-blotched faces. Before the opening credits stopped rolling, I was on the sidewalk outside the theatre, checking myself for knife wounds and begging people for a cigarette. And I don't smoke.

So I guess what I'm saying is, it was nice knowing you, and I'll try to wear an appropriate chemise at your funeral.

[info]glvalentine

November 12 2008, 15:34:03 UTC 3 years ago

Screamed out of your seat? What was their logic?

Dude, I went to the midnight shows of all three Lord of the Rings movies and it was always a blast, people were almost universally respectful, and NO ONE'S NOSE GOT BROKEN. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?

[info]livia_llewellyn

November 12 2008, 15:39:08 UTC 3 years ago

They didn't have seats, and they wanted mine - and they felt they had right of "seating" by virtue of the fact that they were dressed like the characters and how could some non-Potter-dressed person be allowed to even EXIST, let alone take up valuable seats and theatre air? I also left because some of the parents started throwing entitlement gang signs, and I didn't want to have to explain to the police why I started punching the shit out of some bitch mother dressed like Snape in front of her sobbing 14-year-old girl.

[info]glvalentine

3 years ago

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[info]livia_llewellyn

3 years ago

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[info]glvalentine

3 years ago

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[info]squirrel_monkey

3 years ago

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[info]glvalentine

3 years ago

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[info]squirrel_monkey

3 years ago

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[info]glvalentine

3 years ago

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[info]buymeaclue

3 years ago

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[info]liminalliz

November 12 2008, 15:59:46 UTC 3 years ago

Gval, I'm so terrified of going the opening weekend, dude. Perhaps I'll go to a 11:30 a.m. showing?

[info]glvalentine

November 12 2008, 16:02:58 UTC 3 years ago

But then all the moms whose kids couldn't beg a midnight show off them will be there since it's a decent hour! I don't know what you can do, dude, except take your chances and if anyone harasses you just scream "I'M IN COSTUME!" and pretend you're super-enthusiastic until they go away.

(And yes, I'm serious. If you think I won't pretend to be cosplaying in order to get out of a nosepunch, you have another thing coming.)

[info]trinityvixen

November 12 2008, 16:28:16 UTC 3 years ago

Wait, that opens this weekend? I thought this was Quantum of Solace weekend? If this shit is going on when I need to see Daniel Craig mostly starkers, I will be the one breaking noses.

Also, there has never been a phenomenon where anyone has behaved this badly in recent memory. Not the prequels to Star Wars, not Harry Potter, not Lord of the Rings. And I'm the kind of nerd who was right there in the mix of those folk, so I know of what I speak. It's like that diva-witch author self-selected for the worst behavior with her books...

[info]buymeaclue

November 12 2008, 16:29:53 UTC 3 years ago

Next weekend!

[info]trinityvixen

November 12 2008, 16:41:17 UTC 3 years ago

::clutches at heart::

Oh thank Jeebus. I have to remember not to be within shouting distance of movie theaters weekend after next, but otherwise, I'm safe!

[info]glvalentine

November 12 2008, 16:29:54 UTC 3 years ago

It opens Nov. 21, actually; we'll be standing in line Thursday night. You're safe!

Dude, Lord of the Rings lines were totally chill. This is just madness.

[info]trinityvixen

3 years ago

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[info]squirrel_monkey

3 years ago

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[info]glvalentine

3 years ago

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[info]catrambo

November 12 2008, 17:19:18 UTC 3 years ago

You are...a brave, brave soul. I look forward to the recap.

[info]glvalentine

November 12 2008, 17:22:06 UTC 3 years ago

I really want to make this happen, but now that I am having to take physical safety into account (PHYSICAL SAFETY at a MOVIE, what is going ON), I want to have a contingency plan.

My only hope is that New York has so many theatres wiht midnight shows, and that so many of the diehard fans are suburb-dwelling tweens, that the crowd that shows up in Union Square might be too hipster to riot and will instead just glare. That I could handle.

[info]catrambo

November 12 2008, 17:44:51 UTC 3 years ago

Have you thought about a layer of protective bubble-wrap?

[info]glvalentine

3 years ago

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[info]buymeaclue

3 years ago

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[info]glvalentine

3 years ago

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[info]buymeaclue

3 years ago

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[info]buymeaclue

November 12 2008, 17:55:18 UTC 3 years ago

I keep telling myself that it's a school night. Surely their parents won't let them come to our showing. Surely?

[info]livia_llewellyn

3 years ago

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[info]buymeaclue

3 years ago

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[info]justinhowe

November 12 2008, 17:42:01 UTC 3 years ago

You're really making this a hard sell aren't you?

[info]glvalentine

November 12 2008, 17:45:43 UTC 3 years ago

Look, I would love some support out on the front lines, but I do not want people to claim, "You never told me what I was going to be in for!"

Now you can never say to me, "I never thought they'd break my NOSE!" - oh yes you did, sir! OH YES YOU DID.

(I think you're fine, though. Real Boys are invisible to these girls.)

[info]justinhowe

3 years ago

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[info]glvalentine

3 years ago

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[info]jkubenka

November 12 2008, 18:09:35 UTC 3 years ago

Sigh.

I do not wanna go. I don't know that my little area of DFW TX will have this same screaming, blood-thirsty, glitter-spattered addlepated tween crowd, but I don't wanna go....

*bangs head on table*

I did promise the girls though, so maybe I'll wear Kevlar or somesuch...

[info]glvalentine

November 12 2008, 18:22:56 UTC 3 years ago

Not on opening night, I hope! Tht'll be nuts - it'll be nuts enough in New York with more than a dozen theatres hosting midnight shows on multiple screens, I can't imagine the crowds where there's only one theatre with a 12:01...

[info]ecmyers

November 13 2008, 02:11:54 UTC 3 years ago

On the one hand, you guys are all cool and it would be fun to hang out...

On the other hand, Twilight and the risk of physical injury as well as emotional scarring.

Tough call.

I saw a woman reading the book on the train tonight. You know she's excited!

[info]glvalentine

November 13 2008, 02:17:59 UTC 3 years ago

Did you hear that wall of sound on the vid? That shit is CRAZY.

As long as we're free from physical harm I think we can pull a good time out of it. If someone breaks my nose, though, we'll all be spending a cheerful night in the ER!

[info]buymeaclue

November 13 2008, 12:49:54 UTC 3 years ago

YOU SHOULD COME SO MOTE IT BE.

[info]wldhrsjen3

November 13 2008, 14:25:09 UTC 3 years ago

::wipes away tears of laughter:: Oh, my goodness. Just reading the comments here cracked me up. I can't wait to read the blog about the movie.

[info]glvalentine

November 16 2008, 02:29:42 UTC 3 years ago

I figure it'll be like the dwarf journal in the Mines of Moria. "THEY ARE COMING -"
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