Genevieve Valentine (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} glvalentine) wrote,@ 2009-02-10 16:36:00 |
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| Entry tags: | dolls, for fucking serious, fun with lobby cards, no seriously, picspam |
Life of Faith Dolls: The Dollening.
You know how sometimes the American Girl dolls are just slutty, and they all go to school and have adventures and other things that make them into uppity independent harpies you just can't stomach?
Well, Life of Faith dolls have you covered.
They've created a line of dolls based on "classic Christian literature" (The Bible?) for your little homeschooler to cradle at night when she doesn't have any other friends because you don't let her play with the heathen children.
Let's go shopping, shall we? (Disclaimer: the dolls have some serious Harry Potter names going on. I just report the news.)
First we have Kathleen McKenzie, the creepy baby:
The otherwise-unremarkable doll description includes:
"Kathleen is fully-jointed so she can sit, stand, and be posed in many fun positions. True to her enthusiastic style, Kathleen can even lift her arms in grateful triumph or put her hands together in faithful prayer."
Violet Travilla, the normal one:
Millie Keith, who got a concussion right before they took this picture:
Elsie Dinsmore, bass:
And Laylie Colbert, token!:
We'll talk about her in just a second.
Jeebus aside, these dolls freak me out. They're all way too young for their book counterparts, who seem to get married around Book Four all the time, but one of them looks like Jessica Simpson already, and one looks like that crazy infant Kewpie they gave out instead of bread in food lines in the Thirties.
But despite their age range, you know what brings them together? Prayer. Every single doll has prayer-ready arms. See?
This is the first close-up of her; the others involve her playing in her petticoats. Tramps, the lot of them. God doesn't want to see your bare feet!
And then, of course, there are the books.
They're based on Martha Finley's books, and sure, she lived a long time ago, so it's not like one of these will be "Elsie Dinsmore Votes for the First Time" or anything, but I feel like Laura Ingalls Wilder also a) lived a long time ago and 2) didn't let God make all her decisions.
Seriously, I can't even imagine the poor girls who have to read these books, since every book is, "Something happens to the farm. Will [girl]'s faith in God see her through?" I mean, it's Christian lit; what are the chances God's gonna peace out halfway through and leave our heroine to solve her problems herself?
(I would totally love if that happened, by the way, just because I think that these books smack of a gross lack of agency; being the plaything of a religious precept is not really good for project-management training, girls.)
A typical plot:
In this faith-based story, Elsie Dinsmore waits endlessly for her father to return to her, but everyday life at Roselands Plantation goes on. Elsie is homeschooled, and has daily lessons in literature, history, penmanship, and other subjects. She labors at her rosewood desk in the hot schoolroom while the Dinsmore children, who are jealous of her wealth and beauty, constantly provoke the gentle girl, causing her much anguish. But through the hardships and injustice, Elsie bears all things with love and patience, looking to God for strength and ever longing for her Papa to come home.
Note: Most of the books have the tagline, "Great for young readers and homeschool study." I think we're looking at Mary Sue Dinsmore down on the plantation, is what I'm saying here.
And speaking of plantations - yeah, we're going here.
Let's talk a bit about Laylie, who is on sale for 40% off (oh. Mygod). I am going to guess this is because anyone who would look for an African-American doll for their kid is going to go for Addy over at the American Girls store, since Laylie gets one book and Addy gets six, and Laylie's book is about how she escapes from the plantation and then some white girl introduces her to Jesus or something, I dunno.
Laylie's doll description:
While working at Roselands, Laylie’s Christian friend, Millie Keith, let Laylie choose a gown from her personal wardrobe.
"Working." Then the rest of her description is about the dress. However, before you think she drew the short straw, check out her accessories!
Laylie keeps the hot Southern sun off her face with this wide-brimmed “Sunbonnet Sue” bonnet trimmed in blue gingham ribbon. Like many plantation dwellers, she often carries her belongings in a “sugar sack”—a burlap or muslin bag, screen printed with the identifying design of her plantation.
"Plantation dwellers." God loves a euphemism!
You know what else God likes?
Enormous hats.
