Entry tags:

tv, writing

The Vampire Diaries.
You guys, that was HILARIOUS. (More coherent review at Tor.com.)

I did a little research into the books on which it was based. I didn't want to make Twilight comparisons uninformed; since these books came out ages before Twilight, the eerie similarities can be safely chalked up to the showrunners. (Hint: Virginia never looked so much like Vancouver!) (I don't know if they film in Vancouver. I'm just saying.) (They film in Waste-of-Everyone's-Time-ville.)

In checking up on the books, I found a wiki with synopses. Now, I understand that a good synopsis is nearly impossible to achieve. I also understand that one can take a weird concept and execute it beautifully in a way a brief summary just can't capture.

That said, I have some choice quotes.



I must be the only person who didn’t read these books when they were in junior high, by the way. Everyone else mentions them the way they mention Flowers in the Attic. So for those many people, I’m sure these plot points have a depth and drama that the synopsis just can’t convey.

Okay, enough disclaimers. Let’s get to the gold.

These are spoilerrific, but presented without context so they can be taken as the prose poetry they are.

Meredith comments that it’s odd that yet another supernatural evil has arrived, and Stefan explains that evil is attracted to Fell’s Church because blood soaked into the ground during a Civil War battle.

Of course! Because of all conflicts, the only one that has left a mark on history is the Civil War, nexus of all supernatural evil.

Stefan then comes up with a plan that the rest follow. Meredith and Bonnie stage a loud argument during graduation. Meredith says she will go alone to Elena’s grave that night to lay a flower there. Their argument is overheard by the party intended to overhear it: Tyler Smallwood, who shows up and changes into a werewolf to attack Meredith.

I don’t know why they need this plan, but it is now my default plan for anything, ever.

Suspicious of Caroline, who claims to have been raped by Klaus, Meredith and Bonnie require her to sign a blood oath that she will not hurt Elena, and they threaten to tell her future sorority sisters if she betrays Elena or Stefan. A crow appears and vomits blood on the paper they all sign. The blood-vomit is in gothic script and reads: “D. Elena is mine.”

...no comment.

Have some Mary Sue Action:

Elena finds within herself a power she identifies as Wings of Redemption. Rainbow-colored wings open on her back and enfold her and Damon, who screams as he is redeemed from all his sins. He also forgets everything, so Elena opens up her violet-blue Wings of Remembrance, which allow him to remember. Damon realizes that he has been possessed by Shinichi and that he’d been playing the villain, and he calls himself an abomination, kisses Elena’s foot, and vows to be her slave. Elena then opens up her white Wings of Purification.

And one more, offered without comment:

Elena watches hidden from the trees and wonders if Damon has betrayed her while the others are herded into a clearing. Bonnie is tied spread-eagled to a makeshift altar by the ambulatory trees, and another walking tree with a penis approaches her.