Imogen Poots: A study in anagrams.

This poor soul is named Imogen Poots.

I think that while the initial horror of this name is obvious, it isn’t nearly as frightening as the realization that this young woman chose to enter the public sphere with this name. I mean, she looked at her birth certificate and said, “Last Name: Poots. All set! I am going to be a STAR.”

Now, I’m sure you’re thinking, ‘As long as she can act, what’s the problem?’ Well, let me tell you right now, impertinent imaginary-question-asker, the problem is coded into her name. One look at the anagrams of this almost unbelievable name and several things come to light:

Emoting Oops - Well, firstly, she’s not much of an actress.

Mongoose Pit - And she hates wildlife! What a bitch.

Pigeons Moot - First mongooses, now pigeons. When will her reign of terror end?!

Spinet Go Moo - And she’ll never be able to fall back on ‘concert pianist’, either.

Egoism No Top - Well, no wonder she has such issues with self-esteem. Can’t act, can’t play!

Nepotism Goo - Buuut it looks like she’ll make out just fine.