I'm just gonna call this now; I will see this movie, will want to love it, probably will end up hating it, and then will obsessively track all the cosplay. That's just how I roll.

(Though my hopes are high; apparently the biggest complaint so far as been lack of plot, and seriously, like I care if there's a plot? Give me long, well-dressed, meaningful stares! It's all I want in my life!)

So, the Costume Institute Gala was last night.

You would think that, as a costume/fashion nerd, I would be all over it. And you would be correct, except that I've been to two, and I have a near-pathological aversion to the ENTIRE MET that I am only slowly overcoming.

I worked that event two years in a row with the event production company.

JESUS GOD.

( I drop names! I whine! I make my own dress! Details inside! )

Group Costume YES:





Group Costume NO:




And finally:



A CHEMISE. HOW HARD IS IT.

(This lady is incredible; she hand-quilted the underskirt for her 18th-century wedding dress, and I don't know if you can see in this picture, but she's embroidered her pocket hoops, which no one will actually see, so she's just hardcore, is what.)

(photos from this dude.)

For the gentlemen who don't give a crap: someday I'll do a post about something incredibly manly. Like...lumberjacking. I promise.

So, guess who will be talking about Clarissa this week?

GOOD GUESS.

I managed to devour the whole thing in a single night, cursing a blue streak all the way through. I'm not sure how much of it I can watch again, though, because it's basically four hours of watching a bird get crushed under a boot-heel in slow motion and you spend most of it yelling, "STOP!" or "RUN!" or "NO CHEMISES!" and get all stressed out.

Anyway, expect a lot more about this in the coming days, because if I had to suffer, then dammit, so do you.

(Totally accurate gowns, totally accurate stays - NO CHEMISES. They show womein in underwear like, six times. NEVER A CHEMISE. Are they trying to kill me? They're trying to kill me.)



Underneath these gowns, all these women are chemiseless.

From the kingdom of Anachronia, Spring/Summer Collection 1165.

Yeah, those are bolero jackets over princess-seamed dresses. The patterns are from the upholstery fabrics so ugly The Other Boleyn Girl turned them down. Also, that girl on the right is wearing a weave made out of cotton candy.





Then, an Enya video vomited.

The girl on the middle right is wearing a blue wrap dress with cleavage down to her sternum.

I have got to get hold of this movie.

Reporting from the middle of an unexpectedly costumelicious weekend!

Victorian "strip-tea" at the Merchant's House Museum highlighting the layers that go under an 1850s visiting dress. Not my favorite period, but the laces-hook on the front of the corset to keep the ties away from the waist? That is genius.

German mini-parade on the West Side; dirndls must be in vogue right now, because it took four girls for me to realize there was a cultural theme and not just a collection of girls in outfits.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to make it to Comicon, where I had BETTER see some costumes.

...you hear that they're making a miniseries called "Lost in Austen" (groan) about a woman who goes back in time and switches places with Elizabeth Bennet (groan! Also, since Pride and Prejudice is, you know, fictional and not historical, this has already broken my Suspendometer), and you know you'll see it anyway.

Why? Because you love all the actors playing the Bennetts.

*sigh* Oh, England. Home of acting talent.

I live for the day the publicity stills come out and I can tear the costumes to pieces!

1. Saw Howl's Moving Castle last night; Christian Bale's voiceover was so hilariously distracting that I don't have much else to say, except that it's not worth seeing a movie for free if it's dubbed, and also that the ending was so random that I almost threw a pillow at the TV.

2. Started a short story that is going to be the death of me. Stupid story.

3. I'm taking a break from reading tango blogs; they only raise my blood pressure. Hopefully this means a downswing in bitchface posts, but you never know. I can be pretty bitchface all by myself.

4. They're auctioning off some The Other Boleyn Girl" costumes; if you ever wanted ugly, historically-inaccurate clothes at vastly inflated prices, go nuts! (I have to say, doublets would be pretty awesome daywear if you're a hardcore nerdwad. So, basically, they would be pretty awesome daywear for me.)

Please pay special attention to this dress, which managed to hide from me until now. You know when this would have looked great? In 1790. I might have to start Waistwatch on this thing.

5. Last night I came home to contributor copies of a literary journal. That's a nice welcome.

You said, "You know, my weekend feels ugly-dress-free. Someone needs to fix that!"

And I totally heard you.



To review the design features of this dress:

Bubble hem (primary color); smocked sides (secondary color); gathered shoulders (secondary color); button-tab back detail (primary and secondary colors); back tie (secondary color); huge motherfucking chain mail drape from self-fabric attached necklace (dude, CHAIN MAIL).

I just...I feel like this was supposed to be spread out among seven designs, but the index cards for each dress went into a single envelope by mistake and the seamstresses got it and said, "Well, if that's what they want..."

UGLY DRESS FAQ

Q:
A: Hell yes I would!

So I have a picture of an ugly dress to post, but apparently it's waiting until Saturday. If you wanted to look at an ugly dress and are angry you have to wait, blame pantlessjohnny.

And now, to the bus.

Okay, so, not content with making a vid showing how much Fantasma sucks, I found some pictures that reinforce how much The Other Boleyn Girl sucks.



( It's an unforgivable crime. Anne Boleyn will hang for this wardrobe! )

To counteract the costuming black-hole-of-suck I've had here the last couple of days, try this on for size: "Creation", a dress by John Galliano made to look like the dummy halfway through construction. Unfinished edges, basting and gather stitches, seam markings, even the pincushions, turned into a dress so amazing I would probably flip out if I saw it in person.

"Beige silk satin, white polyester batting, nude synthetic net, beige cotton braided laces, blue pieced silk with chenille, rhinestone, hammered silver metal, filé, and bead embroidery à la disposition; white leather; beige nylon, polyester batting, and silver metal and pearl hardware with knotted blue silk ribbons."

They use the pincushion as a bracelet. I LOVE THIS DRESS.

Bad: Eh, most of today. Weekend looking better, but today has just been one crash after another. Quit it, Wednesday!

Good: Here's a beautiful gallery of pictures from this year's Carnival in Venice,, featuring amazing costumes, of which this is my favorite. Something about the way the veil filters the light.

I need to go back to Venice, the sooner the better.

I love that moment when your story goes from "word salad" to "actual story". *thumbs up*

Additional things that get the thumbs up:

• tango tonight


• maybe more shoe photos (I made quota, dammit!)


• the Costume Institute blog, which is a far overdue idea and has already yielded some really beautiful objects.